Petition to replace the existing genders with up, down, top, bottom, strange and charm.



Today I learned that the Westboro Baptist Church has a Soundcloud for bad song parodies. 

My friend, incredibly high on post-surgery painkillers, just mumbled: 

“Hey…. remember Sherlock Otters?”

I thought she meant this: 


No. She meant this: 


Why, why did this story need to be written? 

I submit that hers is among the finest concert renditions of this song. 

  • mainstream gay rights movement: gay people don't want to destroy society, haha, don't worry
  • me: wElLLlL


If someone doesn’t “seem” disabled to you, maybe it’s because they’ve been forced to develop a huge and complex system of coping mechanisms in order to try and survive in an ableist world. It’s probably that.

"What’s Kraken"?

Go home, Shimer College. You are drunk. 


so, i have this book.


"How To Attain and Practice The Ideal Sex Life" by Dr. J. Rutgers

copyright 1940

first off, this book is hysterical, for many many reasons, but what really surprised me was they had a chapter dedicated to homosexuality


Just as the majority of us feel ourselves sexually attracted to persons of the opposite sex (heterosexuality), so also there are men and women who feel attracted, with equally pure and lofty motives, to members of their own sex (homosexuality).
  In this chapter we are not referring to those cases in which persons seek their sexual satisfaction with those of the same sex on purpose as an exceptional experiment, or because there is no member of the opposite sex available. We are now dealing exclusively those persons in whom this individual peculiarity is deeply rooted in their mentality, either inborn, strictly speaking, or as such a direct consequence of influences to which they have been subjected in their early childhood, that it can hardly be distinguished from an inborn tendency. This preference for one’s own sex may indeed be so marked as to be quite exclusive, with a pronounced dislike for the opposite sex. Here it is not a case of “are there such people?”, but “such people do exist.”

like…DUDE you told me earlier in this damn book that if i wanna masturbate i should wait 24 hours to see if the urge passes as it’s such a Wrong and Deviant Thing To Do but this is…surprisingly progressive for a book in the 1940s, if really transphobic, cissexist, biphobic and binaristic…

and then there’s this bit where i’m TRULY floored


We often express pity for homosexuals as if they were hampered in their choice of intimate attachments; but we forget that we heterosexuals are equally hampered. It is just as if right-handed people should pity the left-handed ones; but those people who are as clever with their left hand as with the right, i.e., who are ambidextrous, may claim to occupy a higher place.

Who knows if the time will not also come one day, when the highest class of people will be ambisexual, feeling affection for both sexes alike, according to the agreement and harmony of their characters, and not always considering the difference of sex as the cardinal point. When they will not be in love with the sex , but will feel attracted by personal human sympathy. Only then such highly gifted people would have the right to despise us ordinary heterosexual mortals as they would the homosexuals, on account of our limitations.

excuse me, doctor but did you just actually write the phrase “ordinary heterosexual mortals” and imply that non-monosexualites are enlightened and better than the others i’m HAVING HYSTERICS

but let’s just stop for a moment and appreciate those three words one more time

"ordinary heterosexual mortals" 

thank you for your time



This is so beautiful and perfect that I think you all need to read it right now.






You win this round cheese

actually that is a rectangle cheese

[oxford comma laughing in the distance]

[vocative comma wondering what oxford comma thinks it’s doing here]

I already reblogged this for the pun but I’m reblogging again for the sick punctuation banter

  • "Why did you put pine trees in your duck?"
  • "…That's rosemary."

I once told a joke about a straight person.

They came after me in droves.

Each one singing the same:

Don’t fight fire with fire.


What they mean is: Don’t fight fire with anything.

Do not fight fire with water.

Do not fight fire with foam.

Do not evacuate the people.

Do not sound the alarms.

Do not crawl coughing and choking and spluttering to safety.

Do not barricade the door with damp towels.

Do not wave a white flag out of the window.

Do not take the plunge from several stories up.

Do not shed a tear for your lover trapped behind a wall of flame.

Do not curse the combination of fuel, heat, and oxygen.

Do not ask why the fire fighters are not coming.

When they say: Don’t fight fire with fire.

What they mean is: Stand and burn.

Stand and Burn by Claudia Boleyn.  (via claudiaboleyn)

Newsweek’s original review of Beauty and the Beast

The most delicious musical score of 1991 is Alan Menken and Howard Ashman’s “Beauty and the Beast.” If the growing armada of titanically troubled Broadway musicals had half its charm and affectionate cleverness, the ships wouldn’t be foundering.

"Beauty and the Beast" has the best songs of any Disney movie since "Lady and the Tramp" and the best, most sophisticated score since "Sleeping Beauty"—and that was adapted from Tchaikovsky. Menken & Ashman are not revolutionaries—that’s not what Disney is about—but their work is old-fashioned in the most endearing sense….

Because the story is set in France, Menken [and Ashman have] given the music a French flavor, and not just in the Chevalieresque moments of the irrepressible “Be Our Guest.” He is a master of pastiche, and his score shimmers and simmers with Debussy, Saint-Saens, Satie and Couperin; the village girls who ogle Gaston are descendants of a flirtatious trio in Massenet’s “Manon.” But there are nods to great Americans, too, including Copland and Bernstein. The sensational “Belle,” complete with Ashman’s sly and quick-cutting dialogue, is reminiscent of Sondheim.

The orchestration is lush, too, and despite some requisite Hollywood glissandi, often delightful and surprising. There’s some effective use of woodwinds—and when did you last hear a harpsichord in a musical? Throughout, Ashman’s lyrics are just right, intricate or simple, sweet and funny. And even the tinniest ear will respond to a rhyme like “but behind that fair facade/I’m afraid she’s rather odd.” As in all great musicals of the last 50 years, “Beauty and the Beast” has songs that actually advance the plot …